Men Need to Handle Men

Published 22 days ago • 1 min read

Reader - I’m sickened, and yet not surprised, by the reporting coming out about online communities that teach and normalize sexual abuse…spaces where men trade tactics for drugging and violating women, and getting away with it.

Let me say this plainly: this isn’t “edgy.” This isn’t “kink.” This is violence.

And the most important thing I want to say, as a human being (not simply because I’m a husband or father of a daughter), and as a man who trains men, is this:

Men need to handle men.

Not someday. Now.

If you’re a man reading this and your reflex is “but I would never”…good. Let that goodness mature into responsibility.

What responsibility looks like (practical)

  • Speak up when a friend makes rape jokes or talks about “getting her drunk” like it’s normal.
  • Stop feeding the algorithm content that eroticizes unconsciousness, coercion, humiliation, or fear.
  • If porn has numbed your empathy, tell the truth and get support.
  • If you see content that looks like assault…report it.
  • And if you’ve been silent because you didn’t want to be awkward, practice backbone.

To the women who have lived with this kind of fear, violation, or betrayal: I believe you. I’m sorry. And I’m committed to being trustable and training other men to be trustable as well.

This isn’t about being “one of the good guys.”

It’s about becoming the kind of human who protects life by telling the truth and refusing to collude.

-Ted

I’m a former rabbi turned intimacy coach. I guide men, women & couples to unmask, speak hard truths with love, and build relationships rooted in depth, integrity, and presence—relationships that feel good to live inside, not just look good from the outside.