Ted Riter

Dear Reader, Like many of you, I’ve been sitting with the heartbreaking news out of Texas. More than 100 lives lost along the river, including campers and counselors swept away in flash floods. Camp Mystic was where children were meant to be laughing, forming friendships, and singing songs under the stars—a place that was supposed to be a respite from the news cycle, not part of it. I can’t stop thinking about them… because I was them. From age 10 to 22, summer camp in Central Texas and...

Hi Reader, Last week, I was in Mt. Shasta, co-leading John Wineland's Embodied Men’s Leadership Training, which is a 6-month program for men committed to depth, integrity, and growth. I’ve been part of this container since 2016. And, every time, I’m struck by the same thing: Men show up not to complain, but to become.They don’t come to blame their partners, their pasts, or their pain.They come asking:“How can I meet this moment with more honesty? More integrity? More presence?” It’s not...

Dear Reader, For most of my life, I didn’t think I had a “father wound.” My father didn’t abandon me. He didn’t yell. He didn’t hit. But that’s not the whole story. My father is, by all accounts, a social guy. Me as a father and with my father; July 2024 People love talking to him. He lights up about topics that fascinate him. But with me… it’s always felt one-sided. He talks. He doesn’t ask. He shares, but doesn’t listen. He offers advice, but not reflection. And for most of my life, I went...

Hi Reader, I want to share something with you that might find counter to how you've always approached relationships: We’re taught that boundaries push people away, but the truth is boundaries are how people find you. When I know where your edges are, I know how to show up with care. When you know mine, you can feel safe to be fully expressed, because you’re not guessing, tiptoeing, or over-giving. The clearer our boundaries, the more present we can be. The more love we can give...and receive....

Reader - I can't tell you how often women thank me for the work I do with men. They’re always intrigued by my couples work. But when I mention that I lead men’s groups, they often pause — and literally thank me. By now, I’m used to it.Still, it catches me almost every time. Actually, "amused" isn't quite the right word for how I feel.Because beneath their thanks, there’s often something deeper; something that deserves real honoring. You see (or maybe you already know): Many women have...

Reader Have you ever experienced sharing something important or emotional, only to feel completely misunderstood or unseen by your loved one? Maybe you wanted empathy, but received unsolicited advice instead. Or perhaps you sought guidance, but all you got was silent nodding. These frustrating moments occur when there's a mismatch between what we need and what we're receiving. Fortunately, there's a simple but powerful way to overcome this disconnect: clarity. When someone shares a story or...

How do you know if a relationship is truly nourishing you or quietly draining you? Reader, this is a question worth asking, whether you’re just starting something new, deep in a long-term relationship, or wondering if it’s time to let go. I’m in a marriage today that feels like a steady fire—warm, sustaining, ever-burning, ever-growing. But I’ve also been in relationships that felt more like a flickering flame; sometimes bright with promise, other times unstable and unpredictable. And maybe...

Hi Reader Let’s talk about intimacy. Not the kind you see in movies—the effortless, passion-filled connection where two people just get each other. That’s a fantasy. Real intimacy? It’s something else entirely. It’s the ability to be fully seen, not just in the good moments but in the messy, uncertain, and vulnerable ones too. And for most of us, that’s where things get tricky. Because we’ve all learned to hide. We hide parts of ourselves to fit in, to be accepted, to avoid rejection. We...

Happy holidays, Reader! Whether you are reading this in advance of a celebration (or even sneaking off for a moment to scroll you phone while everything is happening on the other side of the house) I wanted to say: Hi -- Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah/Hanukkah/Hannukah (yes, even Jews don't always know how to spell it), Yay for a few days off... And...wow...this can be such a beautiful and joy-filled and complex and challenging time of year. I see you. I get it. Gathering with family and...