What dying can teach us about living fully

Reader,

Last week, I was in Israel and visited the Nova site — the place on October 7, 2023 where nearly 400 people were massacred while celebrating life, and where hundreds more were killed in the surrounding communities.

Standing there, I felt the weight of lives cut short, and also the unbearable beauty of people who had come together simply to dance. The desert still holds their music.

In that moment I remembered something I’ve known for years but keep forgetting: life is unimaginably fragile. And when we forget that, we stop truly living.

Dying Before You Die

(and the Fierce Stillness of Living Fully)

We talk a lot about living fully.
But most of us are still holding our breath, clinging to roles, habits, and identities that keep us from feeling the truth of life’s impermanence.

Every real transformation requires something to die: an old story, a way of being, a layer of protection. When we resist endings, we stay half-alive. When we make peace with them, a deeper vitality returns.

That day in the desert reminded me that “death practice” isn’t an idea—it’s what happens when you look at loss and refuse to turn away. You feel your heart crack open, and inside that crack you meet the pulse of life itself.

Learning to meet intensity without collapsing, to stay open when something ends, to keep breathing through uncertainty—this is the real training for aliveness.

As the Psalmist says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Facing death teaches us presence, gratitude, and integrity. It strips away everything that isn’t essential and leaves only what’s true.

Try this practice

Take one minute. Inhale through your nose for four counts, exhale for six. On each exhale, silently say to yourself, “This moment will never come again.”

Let the breath remind you of what’s fleeting.

Let that awareness soften you instead of harden you.

If tears or tenderness arise, stay with it.

This is life reminding you how much you care.

If you want to go deeper

This week, I've been invited by two other teachers to lead online sessions that explore this edge between stillness and surrender, life and death.

For all genders: Pillar & Pulse: A Fierce Stillness Practice with John Wineland’s Embodied Relationship Experience

Thursday, October 23 • 1-2 pm Pacific

Join with a free one-week trial:

John has been my teacher for ten years, and I’ve served as the Program Lead for many of his men’s and coed trainings. This session offers a taste of that lineage. We’ll move, breathe, and train the body to stay open under intensity, to meet life’s fire without collapsing, and to offer warmth without leaking.

For men: Dying Before You Die with Speed Weed’s 108 Minutes

Saturday, October 25 • 7–8:48am Pacific

$36 • Register here:

Speed has long been part of my Assistant Team for John’s programs, and I now think of him as a colleague walking the same path of men’s work and depth. In this gathering, we’ll explore our relationship to mortality, legacy, and integrity. Through movement, breath, and writing, you’ll face what’s unsaid or unlived and discover what’s most alive in you now.

When I think back to that desert where so many lives ended mid-dance, I’m reminded that presence isn’t a concept. It’s a choice we make with every breath.

Whether through stillness or surrender, the invitation is the same: Stop performing. Start living. Meet what’s ending, and let it make you more real.

I get you. I’ve got you. Let’s go deeper.

Blessings to you,

Ted

P.S. If you can’t make either of these sessions, stay tuned. I’ll be sharing new ways to practice together this fall — including private coaching, live online gatherings, and embodied teachings that go straight to the heart of intimacy and aliveness.