Ted Riter

Take a breath with me Reader… this one matters. Click photo for more information & registration A couple of weeks ago, I filled out an online relationship survey from one of the most trusted voices in the “relationship field” and discovered… my relationship is “broken”! What?!!! Then I dug a bit more and learned that all of the possible results gave the same message:"Your relationship is broken… and I have the solution." I don’t see relationships this way. Most of the time, nothing’s “wrong”…...

Hi Reader, It’s Labor Day weekend. Some of you are traveling, some of you are catching up on sleep, some of you are savoring the last bits of summer sun. In other words… this may or may not be the email you were planning to read. And that’s okay. I just want to plant a seed. In two weeks (September 14–18) we’ll gather for the next 5-Day Relationship Reset live on Zoom, with recordings and conversation in our private Facebook group. This Reset is all new. Even if you joined me in May, you’ll...

Reader -- I’ve been thinking about the stories we carry in our closest relationships. With a partner: He never really supports me. With a sibling: She’ll always be the critical one. With a colleague: They don’t value what I bring. Do you have some of these stories too? At some point, these stories may have felt true. They helped us explain the tension, protect ourselves, and keep the relationship predictable. But over time, living in storyville leaves us stuck in the past — blind to who’s...

Hi Reader, A private retreat for a soon-to-be-married couple A few months ago, I met with a couple who’d been together just over seven years. They loved each other deeply. They’d done therapy. Read the books. They were committed to growth. But they kept getting pulled into the same loop: Small tensions that spiraled into shutdown, withdrawal, or disconnection. One of them finally said: “It’s like we’ve outgrown who we were... but we don’t know how to move forward.” And I said something I’ve...

Dear Reader, We live in a world obsessed with exposure. We call it truth-telling. We call it accountability. But far too often, it’s just shame dressed up as justice. We feel powerful when we spot someone else’s flaws. We feel righteous when we share a meme about another person’s failure. We feel united when we laugh with the crowd. But we rarely pause to ask… What is the impact of our gaze? And what does it cost us...and them? The Talmud doesn’t mince words: “One who humiliates another in...

Dear Reader, Like many of you, I’ve been sitting with the heartbreaking news out of Texas. More than 100 lives lost along the river, including campers and counselors swept away in flash floods. Camp Mystic was where children were meant to be laughing, forming friendships, and singing songs under the stars—a place that was supposed to be a respite from the news cycle, not part of it. I can’t stop thinking about them… because I was them. From age 10 to 22, summer camp in Central Texas and...

Hi Reader, Last week, I was in Mt. Shasta, co-leading John Wineland's Embodied Men’s Leadership Training, which is a 6-month program for men committed to depth, integrity, and growth. I’ve been part of this container since 2016. And, every time, I’m struck by the same thing: Men show up not to complain, but to become.They don’t come to blame their partners, their pasts, or their pain.They come asking:“How can I meet this moment with more honesty? More integrity? More presence?” It’s not...

Dear Reader, For most of my life, I didn’t think I had a “father wound.” My father didn’t abandon me. He didn’t yell. He didn’t hit. But that’s not the whole story. My father is, by all accounts, a social guy. Me as a father and with my father; July 2024 People love talking to him. He lights up about topics that fascinate him. But with me… it’s always felt one-sided. He talks. He doesn’t ask. He shares, but doesn’t listen. He offers advice, but not reflection. And for most of my life, I went...

Reader - I can't tell you how often women thank me for the work I do with men. They’re always intrigued by my couples work. But when I mention that I lead men’s groups, they often pause — and literally thank me. By now, I’m used to it.Still, it catches me almost every time. Actually, "amused" isn't quite the right word for how I feel.Because beneath their thanks, there’s often something deeper; something that deserves real honoring. You see (or maybe you already know): Many women have...