Ted Riter

Reader, this is for you when... SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS HIDING You can feel the distance, even when you can’t quite name it. You may not know what they’re holding back. You just know there’s more of them you long to know. YOU'RE THE ONE HIDING Maybe it’s fear. Shame. Sadness. A desire you haven’t dared to express. You’ve learned to keep certain parts of yourself out of sight, perhaps so well that you barely notice anymore. I know something about hiding. In fact, some of you reading this knew me...

Reader, For years, I knew how to be just vulnerable enough. Back when I was leading synagogues, I'd share something personal, and people would tell me how deep and raw it felt. But I knew it was the tip of the iceberg. I was curating my vulnerability… putting it up like a piece in a museum: "Here's me, being vulnerable." The rest, I hid from them. And in some ways, I hid it from myself. Sharing more isn't the same as being seen. You can tell the whole story of a hard season: what happened,...

Reader, Years ago, I was at a party with a woman I was dating. She ran into an old friend, who was excited to tell her that her boyfriend had a group of men in his life. I remember that it stung a bit. I didn't have a group of men. Almost immediately after that, I stepped into my first men's group, and I've since learned that when a man has other men in his life who really know him, it's not just good for him. It's good for the people who love him. Think about it. If a man is struggling in...

Hi Reader, I've done a lot of interviews. This one, I let myself go further than usual. Further into what I actually got wrong, not the version of it that's safe to tell. And it's based on two beliefs that showed up in my own life, and still show up in the lives of the couples I guide. The first: if you don't lie, don't cheat, you're automatically trustworthy. The second: if there was real chemistry once, the spark is supposed to keep running on its own. Neither is true. I sat down with David...

Hi Reader, I'm back from Burning Man. Out there, they call everywhere else “the default world,” with the assumption being that for one week a year, a small spot in the Nevada desert is the real thing, and the rest of life is just... default. I get it. And...I'm not ready to accept this binary. My life outside the gates is full of real meaning too. My marriage, my community, the men, women and couples I get to sit with. I didn't leave something more alive for something less. What I did find...

Hi Reader, Tonight's a full moon. If your social media feed is anything like mine, it's probably full of teachings about the Sturgeon moon, the lunar eclipse and a deeper meaning of these celestial happenings. All of that is well above my paygrade. However, I can tell you that tonight's full moon coincides with the end of the week, a time of rest. And, in my tradition, a time to be re-ensouled. Tonight's full moon is also the halfway point through the Hebrew month of Elul, which is sometimes...

Reader, I have something to confess. In 2016, I was on a dating app, and my profile didn’t say I was a rabbi. Not because it was a secret. Because I didn’t think anyone would want to date a rabbi. Too many preconceptions, too weird, too much. I figured I’d let someone meet me in person and then offer the big reveal. Leslie and I met on that app. And, on our first date she found out. She married me anyway, rabbi and all. I’m telling you this because I spent a long time managing which parts of...

Hi Reader, click image to register Every year, building up to Labor Day, tens of thousands of people build a temporary city in the Nevada desert, then take the whole thing apart and leave nothing behind. Not a scrap. There's even a term for anything left on the ground that shouldn't be there: MOOP, Matter Out Of Place. Leslie (my wife) and I are teaching a session out there this year called Your Partner Is Not MOOP. It's a playful offering for those navigating the dust, but the practice...

Reader, Tuesday night is a full moon. If you’re outside this week, look up. You’re looking at the same moon that’s marked a quiet Jewish holiday for thousands of years, one built around a single idea: LOVE. It’s called Tu b’Av, and it’s one of the least taught festivals in the Jewish calendar with no special meal, no liturgy, barely a ritual to its name. Its old name is Chag HaAhava - "The day of love". I love that it’s quiet. Tradition didn’t build elaborate machinery around it, the way it...